Cant sleep again.

I was doing better and now this. It's 2:30am and I have been tossing and turning for a while. I went to sleep about 2 hours ago and now I am awake. This sucks. And I dont know why. What's causing this. I had a great night sleep yesterday and I had a really good day today. I accomplished everything I wanted to. Maybe it was all the popcorn and pop I ate and drank. Maybe it was the porn site I went to. Maybe it was all the looking I did at the Mugello race and travel info. Maybe it's from Friday night after work, I was in a bad mood. I tried the breathing technique which worked yesterday, but today it's not helping me. So maybe the writing will help me, like it did the other day. I never thought I'd experience so much insomnia. I guess it happens to people and I am human like the rest. Does this have something to do with Bela? I was expecting a note back from her, but nothing. So maybe I am upset about that. I dont know. I really shouldnt care, and part of me doesnt. But part of me does. Part of me feels guilty about Tammy and using her to get through my birthday. Did I? I tried my best not to lead her on, but it seems that somehow I did. Fuck, I really didnt want to. I just wanted someone to dance with. Maybe I just wasnt clear enough about my intentions. Maybe it's because Bela is not being clear with me and I am not satisfied with her answer of being friends and seeing what happens. Well that's always been her way: to be vague and unclear. Then again, she has said over and over again that she cannot give me what I need. Why I cant I just accept that? And move on? And let go. God, please help me. I dont know what to do. All I want is a good night's sleep and to have happiness in my heart. I know lessons need to be hard in order to learn something, but in this case I dont know what you are trying to teach me.