Too Attached

I felt like I was being graded by my my teacher. I was anxious. This wasnt just about my daughter, this was about me as a parent, and as a person.

Yesterday, I went to my first parent-teacher interview as a parent. I was really proud of what the teacher was telling me about my older daughter - Ourania. But, there was one thing she said that Ourania needed to work on. That was to be more sociable with other kids, and not just to get too attached to one person.

It seems that she was spending all of her time with one of the other girls in the class. Several weeks ago, we went to that girl's birthday party and Ourania became frustrated and sad because her friend was spending so much time with the other kids at the party. She felt betrayed.

I tried to explain to her that she wouldnt like it if she was allowed to spend time with other people, so why should she hold that expecation of this girl? And that there were lots of other kids to play with.

At first, I didnt realize the personal significance of this experience. But the interview with the teacher somehow triggered a feeling within me, that she could just as easily be talking about me. They say the apple doesnt fall very far from the tree, after all.

I have had many friends over the years. But, what has become clear is that I am not very good in groups. One-on-one, I feel really comfortable and thrive. But when I am in a group, I feel anxious and out-of-place. Where I really noticed it the most is at family functions for my in-laws.

There was always lots of chatter and lively conversations. I noticed that several of the people there were able to speak to the group, as though they were speaking to one person. However, I always felt scared to speak up. Instead, I would clam up or I would strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to me. I would try to pair off with that person in our own private conversation, so that I wouldnt have to address the group.

Where am I going with this? I dont know.

I am who I am. But on the other hand, I dont like the fact Ourania is doing it too. Having said that, it would be hypocritical of me to push it on her but not hold the same expecation of myself. And as a parent, I have come to appreciate that the best way to teach my kids is through leading by example.

The teacher set up a program of doing different activities and assigning Ourania with a different partner each week. Thereby encouraging her to develop relationships with new people, and not become so attached to one person.

Hmmm... wait a second. My Spidey-senses are tingling. I have nagging feeling deep inside that this would be a good idea for me, too.

Thing is, that I have no problem meeting new people. It's that I am not good at participating in groups.

Damn, this is complicated. But simple, really.

Full circle... is this really a problem? Or am I anxious for nothing? Do I hold Ourania to the same?

At least I am aware and conscious of it now. And like GI Joe used say, "knowing is half the battle."